| Cocksuckers Anonymous | |
|---|---|
| |
| Statistics | |
| Names | Bonecrusher Stevenson The Son of a Bitch Bobby Meatcastle Distance Riley (former leader) Haduken |
| Heights | |
| Weights | |
| Birth dates | {{{dates}}} |
| Billed From | {{{billed from}}} |
| Promotions | DCO |
| Debuted | 2014 |
| Disbanded | |
"I'm 100% straight, but I do like to suck cock every now and then." - Distance Riley
Cocksuckers Anonymous is a stable that began in 2014 as a successful tag team with DCO superstars Haduken and Bastion Goodhand. Together they would capture the DCO Tag Team Championship having the longest reign in DCO history.
After breaking up, Bastion would take up the role of an enhancement talent, putting over his former tag team partner in a singles match. Haduken would go on to main event DCO Presents an 8-Inch Cock, and would later win his first DCO World Championship by defeating Hoss Vanderhuge with help from Bonecrusher Stevenson and The Son of a Bitch, thus forming their stable.
Unfortunately for Haduken, while defending his championship against Distance Riley at a house show, Bonecrusher Stevenson and The Son of a Bitch would turn on their leader during the match; Riley would capitalize and capture the title for the third time, and become Cocksuckers Anonymous' new leader. His time at the top of the mountain came to an abrupt and immediate end after a mere 48 hours, when he defended his title in a 20-Man Battle Royal in a losing effort, after being thrown out by Dwanda Washington. The match (and title) ended up being won by Ass Hemmingway.
Distance would gain retribution after another two days past, when he defeated Hemmingway one-on-one to capture his fourth DCO World Championship (his second as leader of Cocksuckers Anonymous). Even more gold was added to the stable's collection shortly thereafter, as Stevenson and the SOB defeated Rooster Lovesauce and REED for the DCO Tag Team Championship, bringing the Tag belts back to Cocksuckers Anonymous for the first time in three years. Four days later Stevenson and the SOB was defeated by Bastion Goodhand & Craven Moorehead for the DCO Tag Team Championship; on the same day, Distance would once again lose his World Title, suffering defeat at the hands of Derek The V Extreme.
On June 20, Stevenson and the SOB would defeat Bastion Goodhand & Craven Moorehead to regain the DCO Tag Team Championship. They would hold the titles for exactly two weeks, defeating the likes of Bryce Kanyon, Strokeworthy, and The Rock in the process, before losing the titles in a Parking Lot Brawl to the newly formed team of Cunt Maxwell and Ass Hemmingway (collectively known as Double Penetration) in shockingly quick fashion. Following the match, sources backstage reported that Stevenson and the SOB got into a heated argument, suggesting that there may be cracks forming within Cocksuckers Anonymous.
During a battle royal for the DCO World Championship on July 8th, tensions finally boiled over, as Stevenson and SOB ended up in the ring at the same time and proceeded to duke it out. Though neither man ended up winning the battle royal, SOB did eliminate Stevenson himself via pinfall after a trifecta of German Suplexes. The two faced off in a one-on-one Hardcore Match days later, and much like the Battle Royal, SOB once again emerged victorious, putting Stevenson away following a Top Rope Powerbomb onto a briefcase. With 2/3 of the group at odds with one another, and the leader, Distance Riley, having kept silent over the ordeal, the future of the group remained unclear.
However, during yet another battle royal (This time for the DCO Oklahoman Championship), The SOB and Distance met in the ring and duked it out; and in a shocking upset, the SOB eliminated Riley, effectively removing himself from Cocksuckers Anonymous. The SOB would later win the Oklahoman Championship (defeating then-champion Devil Child), and go on to defend it against Riley, one-on-one. SOB emerged victorious over his former mentor, effectively ending the feud.
Cocksuckers Anonymous' luck would finally turn around at DCO Presents The Running Man, when Riley and Stevenson defeated Devil Child and Brother Ray to win the DCO Tag Team Championship, also making Riley a Triple Crown winner in the process. They would lose the titles shortly afterward to the team of Hoss Vanderhuge and Sulley "The Big Man" Anderson in a ladder match at DCO Presents a Bottle of Jack.
Following this, former member Bastion Goodhand would undergo a transformation of sorts, adopting a violent and dangerous new persona, and changed his name to just Bastion. Seeking vengeance for Riley usurping Cocksuckers Anonymous, Bastion challenged him to a No Holds Barred Match at DCO Presents a Big Strong Motherfucker. Adopting a new look and officially a Babyface, Distance went on to defeat Bastion, forcing him to tap out to a Figure Four Leglock. Continuing their streak of good fortune, Riley and Stevenson would finally get revenge on The Son of a Bitch (who had since joined Planet Jarrett) by defeating him (and fellow Planet Jarrett member Sgt. Hardin) in tag team action.
Afterward, Cocksuckers Anonymous finally introduced a new third member to fill the gap SOB had left behind, bringing newly-signed rookie Bobby Meatcastle into the group. In his debut match, Meatcastle made short work of former tag team champion DEVON DAYDREAM.
On February 18, 2018 at a house show, Cocksuckers Anonymous defeated Sledge Bloworth & Sambo Beefrock to win the Sapulpan Tag Team Championship, after the match the Cocksuckers Anonymous cut a promo saying that they are recruiting new members to the group. On February 19, 2018 at a house show, The Cocksuckers Anonymous retained the Sapulpan Tag Team Championship against Conner Shagwell & Charles "Taint Licker" Morales. On February 20, 2018 at a house show, Stevenson & Meatcastle lost the Sapulpan Tag Team Championship to TJ Prophet & Wrestling Journalist Drew Alexander.
When DCO rebooted in 2020 after a two year hiatus, Cocksuckers Anonymous returned as well, represented solely by Meatcastle and Stevenson. The two struggled to make an impact and routinely found themselves on the losing end of matches, up until DCO 39: The Tag Team Tournament Episode, where they reached the finals of the titular tournament (defeating Cpl. Wilczynski and Thunder Lang, and The Wilson Syndicate to get there), earning themselves a shot at the DCO Tag Team Championship against then-champions Brick Cannon and The Wichita Lineman. Their shot took place at DCO 40: Grapple Kingdom], where they would come up short.
This ended up being the straw that broke the camel's back, as Bobby Meatcastle would turn his back on Bonecrusher Stevenson, and the two faced eachother one-on-one at DCO 41: The War to Settle the Score. Meatcastle emerged victorious, and that would seemingly be the end of Cocksuckers Anonymous.
However, in a shocking turn of events, The Son of a Bitch (who had been embroiled in a feud with Luke Hyman, a DCO newcomer he had been tag teaming with for several months into the rebooted DCO) would patch things up with Bonecrusher Stevenson, and the duo would announce that they'd be reforming Cocksuckers Anonymous to face Luke Hyman and his own new partner at DCO 64: On the Mean Streets of Greenwich.
Championships and accomplishments[]
- DCO/DCO (I Dont Give A Shit)
- DCO World Championship (3 times) - Haduken (1) & Distance Riley (2)
- DCO Oklahoman Championship (1 time) - Meatcastle
- DCO Tag Team Championship (4 times) - w/ Haduken & Bastion Goodhand (1), Stevenson & The SOB (2), and Riley & Stevenson (1)
- Sapulpan Tag Team Championship (1 time) - Stevenson & Meatcastle (1)
Trivia[]
- The 2014 Cocksuckers Anonymous tag team comprised of Haduken and Goodhand was a parody of Impact Wrestling's Aces & Eights stable. The 2017 stable iteration featuring Riley, Stevenson, and SOB, however, is a parody of the Bullet Club.